Parashat Netzavim-Vayeilech
Roni Ben-David, Director of Social Justice and Inclusion
What does it mean to be accountable for our actions, and does accountability spontaneously arise or must the conditions be right for it?
These are questions that I have been exploring for many years, and that come up for me specifically related to this week’s double portion, Netzavim-Vayeilech. “I am establishing a covenant,” Moses tells the Israelites, “And not only with you who are standing here in person today but also with those not here with us,” the generations as yet to be born. Moses goes on to describe the ways to live and the actions to avoid in order to be blessed in life. There is also the clear assumption that at times the Israelites will stray from the covenant, but that it is possible to return to the right path (in fact, the first ten verses of Deuteronomy 30 contain seven iterations of the word shuv, return, the root of the word teshuvah – aka repentance)
If making mistakes, and returning to rightness, are core to the experience of being human, ought we expect ourselves and others to naturally take accountability for our actions? And if it doesn’t happen spontaneously, must it be imposed? Most of us have learned that accountability happens through punitive means, especially in cases of harm to another. We might have been raised to “say you’re sorry,” even if it’s not authentic, and that the experiences of blame and shame are inevitable. Unfortunately, punishment usually has the opposite effect – robbing the responsible person of the experience of being out of integrity by leading them to focus on their own suffering or defend themselves against the intense feeling of shame (which can lead us to shut down, withdraw, or avoid.)
Several years ago, JCHS began the journey of integrating more restorative approaches to instances of harm, or breach of norms, rather than punishment or even a top-down imposition of “teshuvah.” Restorative practices put relationships at the center – as both the end and the means. Connection and relationship provide the foundation that keeps the responsible person present during challenging conversations and situations. We can handle the shame that might come up in those moments when we feel love and belonging.
A group of more than a dozen teachers meets regularly to build our skills in restorative communication. We recognize that accountability can occur only when everyone involved has the capacity, skills, and motivation to engage in the challenging process of repair. These ingredients arise through an ongoing process of self-awareness, self-regulation, and loving relationships. This is where growth happens!
At one point in the Torah portion, Moses warns the Israelites not to imagine that living by these “instructions” is out of reach, in the heavens or across the seas. “No, the thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart, to observe it.” (30:15) Indeed, the simple (but difficult) task of staying in our hearts and speaking with intention is at the core of what it means to foster a restorative culture where true accountability and grace can occur.
